Halloween rants

I have a love/hate relationship with Halloween. I love the parties, the atmosphere, the cooler weather, trick or treating with my kids, making treats to give to neighbors, serving homemade root beer to the kids whose parents let them take a home made treat from a stranger (we also have store bought candy), stealing my kid's candy while they are at school, other people's costumes...

That's right, other people's costumes. I love seeing what people come up with. I'm always impressed. But I hate, hate, hate, coming up with costumes for my family. Basically for costumes there are several categories- the over priced store bought things that make you question weather or not it will survive one evening of running around the neighborhood. The REALLY overpriced ones that are GORGEOUS, which might be okay if you only had one kid, but when you are trying to outfit 4, you'd have to take out a home equity loan to afford. There's the homemade ones, which take both skill, patience, and creativity, none of which I have. Then there's the costume that can be done running around to thrift stores and/or craft stores, but takes up an inordinate amount of time, and a whole lot of skill and/or creativity is involved.

I went to a Halloween party a week or so ago. It was fun. Dressing up was optional, so I did what I have done for the past three years, I threw on my awesome greenish black witch hat purchased for $10 at Wal-Mart on a whim three years ago. I also added my "Of course I'm in a bad mood, someone dropped a house on my sister" t-shirt. You know, the one I wear every single week, the day after laundry day. And the witch hat necklace John bought me the first time I saw Wicked. Anyways, people commented on the mileage that hat was getting. This year Madison is taking my costume into her own hands. She has made me devil horns, tail and pitch fork out of red construction paper, paper towel tubes, and lots of tape.

I've always agonized over the costume thing. Once my mom made me a cute bunny costume. That was a favorite. And who can forget The Virus costume?

But then I got a little older and the responsibility to come up with a costume fell on my shoulders, and let's just say that it went downhill from there.

In the 5th grade I just raided my grandma's closet. I think I was going for "Rock Star" but I told people I was a gypsy.

6th grade wasn't much better. I found a multi-colored metallic wig and went as a punk rocker. Or something to that effect.

Do you ever look at a picture of yourself and get a little sick feeling in your gut? Like you remember thinking you were hot stuff at the time, (hence the fish nets) but now, not so much. I broke down and purchased three costumes for my three youngest. I procrastinated and this one website was having a sale, so they had to pick from what was available, and only Christopher got his first choice, but I still got them taken care of for less than $75. Which still feels ridiculous to me.

For Nick I ended up taking the Thrift store route. I had one of those rare moments of genius, the problem is just making it work. I picked up an outfit for him, but at Saver's it's not like beggars can be choosers, so I am hoping the Men's medium shirt I bought won't look ridiculous on him. Including gas, I still think I ended up paying as much as I did on each of the other kids.

Long story short, $100 dollars later, my kids are ready for Halloween. And apparently, thanks to Madison, I am too. And it only cost the price of a whole roll of tape. (You'll have to tune in later for the big reveal. Knowing me, I'll get around to it mid-January)

*My other big gripe about this time of year is the uncharacteristically bad allergies. Ugh. I spend most of my day wishing I could claw my eyes out. The weather is (Finally!!) gorgeous, and I can't enjoy it. It was in the 60's today. The 60's!!! That's practically jacket weather. It's definitely a take-Christopher-to-the-park day and hope some other mothers are doing the same. Instead I am hiding out in my house. Because my only alternative is Benadryl and that stuff kicks my tail like nothing else. If I pop one of those little pink pills I should just plan on nixing any plans for the rest of the day and hope Christopher stays safe while I am unconscious.

Be careful what you wish for

Zach got In Trouble at school Again today.

For Talking.

For Talking! Admittedly though I'm fairly okay with it. Don't get me wrong, he should be following the rules, and I am sorry for his teacher who has to continually ask him to please turn around, and not talk to his neighbors as they walk down the halls, and I will sternly talk to him about it, but inside I'm Laughing.

Once upon a time I had a little blue eyed boy who never said a word. Didn't say "mama" or "da-da" or anything. We taught him sign language to help him communicate. Other parents would try and comfort me with their own success stories, "my kid didn't talk, and now we can't get him to stop!"

Oh, how I wished!

My wish came true. I admit there are days when I think he's going to actually talk my ear off, and I truly think he must be making up for lost time, but I think we'll be okay if he can just figure out appropriate vs. inappropriate times for talking to our friends.

My apologies

First and foremost, I'd like to apologize to my kids. I'm sorry you had to see me lose my temper like that the other day. I'm sorry for all the bad words I said. I'm sorry for the yelling and the screaming and the crying. But especially the swearing. That's just not called for.

I'm sorry to worry you John, when you called home from several states away and talked to Madison and you had to hear her sweet little voice say "Well, I had a really good morning, but it was really hard to watch mommy cry." I know it's hard for you to be away and I try to keep it together so you don't have one more thing to worry about.

I'm sorry to the Relief Society in my ward. I know I signed up to bring an appetizer, and I truly did my best. Three separate trips to the grocery store, one in sunglasses to hide my puffy eyes, should be proof that I tried. But when it comes down to it, it's really difficult to cook when you can't see anything with all the moisture leaking out, and I was a little afraid of chopping off my fingers because the herbs were such a big green blur. Also it was very time consuming to stop and wipe my face and blow my nose then wash my hands every 3 minutes. I really regret not making it to the meeting, with or without the appetizers I promised, if I had known that would be one of my last opportunities to spend time with some dear friends before they caught every one of us off guard and split our ward, I would have been there, but I probably would be wearing those sunglasses. I know they say when you're feeling down and worthless like that, the best place to be is around people who can lift you up, but some days that's the hardest place to go. I hope you all got enough to eat.

I'm sorry I didn't make it to your baby shower, Jenn. I was gonna duck out of the Relief Society meeting early (it was at the exact same time) to come. But well you know, splotchy face, on the verge of tears all night, didn't want to make a spectacle of myself in a room full of strangers. That and I don't think I could have put on a happy face and be happy for another new mother when I was feeling like a total failure as a mother myself. I hope you had a lovely evening. I really was looking forward to it and seeing you again.

I'd like to apologize to the 6 teachers, the school counselor, and the vice-principal who had to take time out of their busy day to discuss my son and his grades. On a bright note, he's doing well in PE, but the rest of his classes are suffering considerably. I'm sorry if my defenses went up a little bit, but I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and even felt like my own parenting skills were being attacked. I KNOW I'm not the best mom, or even a really great mom, but I try, and I try, and when that doesn't work I try something new, and I re-group, and re-evaluate and problem solve, and when people who don't really know the home situation are suggesting things like that my son should try doing his homework "in a central location", (because what kid with ADD won't do better with 14,000 things going on around him all at once?), and when I have to listen to the counselor's psycho-babble, "What I am hearing from you is that you are feeling frustrated, and are choosing to allow your child to experience the natural consequences of his choices instead of coming to my office to discuss another plan that might help him be successful?" well that sounds a little like she is accusing me of choosing failure for my son instead of success. The irony here is every time I step in and try to help, someone else tells me I should back off, because how is he ever going to learn to be responsible with mommy waiting there with a safety net?

So yeah, my parenting-homework style right now is to simply Ask and Remind. "Do you have any homework? Are you sure you did it all? Did you check your pride book? Did you put it safely away? Are you sure? Why don't you go double check? Don't forget your viola! Don't forget your medicine!" And so, I'd like to apologize to my son if this is the wrong approach. I'm sorry that most days I don't know what I'm doing. Because I don't. It's all guesswork, but apparently you are stuck with me, and I'm sorry for that too.

I'm also sorry to my older kids if I put too much responsibility on your shoulders to help out with the little ones. Some days can be difficult as a nearly single parent, and I know I rely on you alot. I realize your job first and foremost is to be a student, and if babysitting the little kids hinders your ability to do well in school (like homework) I will give up the more frivolous things like book club, but I might still need to ask for your help for nights when I have scouts and stuff. (Sorry)

Oh, and lastly, I'd like to apologize to my faithful readers (all half-dozen of you) I know my posts are few and far between, and then I go and write about something awkward like my emotional breakdown last week. Sorry about that. I'll try to do better.

my little autophile

First there was his obsession with Disney's Cars.

Next came Nascar.

Now posters of cars have appeared in his room, his talking about moving to Germany so he can drive fast cars, and the only books he checks out at the library involve cars. Mostly, anyway. There is the random book about jets. Or helicopters.

But when I realized his obsession with cars wasn't just a passing phase was when he was stopped in his tracks by a Porsche. It was just one of those SUV Porsches, but he saw the little design on the hood, stopped to stare, and I heard the barely audible whisper of "Porsche" escape is lips. He was awestruck.

The fact that he noticed and recognized the symbol on the front of the car is what tipped me off that this isn't "just a phase". My other kids wouldn't notice a Porsche if it ran them over.

So today when a yellow Mustang GT was spotted parked in front of our house, (our street becomes the overflow when the elementary's parking lot is full) Zach had me take a picture of him next to it.

His grandpa and uncles (my brothers) would be proud. My dad spent close to two decades restoring a 1969 Camaro. My mom dubbed it "Christine" after the Stephen King book/movie. She meant it as an insult. The name stuck because my dad thought it was funny and he hoped to irritate my mom.

Peace

Apparently my kids were playing with my camera.

That's okay though, it could be worse.

Back in the days before digital when you had to use film and actually get it developed to see how the pictures "turned out" or if there were any "good ones", you had no idea if your little brother had been messing with your camera and using your own kid as a co-conspirator.

When I dream, I dream in stainless

My oven has been broken for about 3 weeks now. (maybe only two, but it feels like three, so that's what I'm going with.)

That gave me time to think about what I really wanted. Did I want to fix an oven I'm not in love with? Words like "gas stove" and "convection" and "double ovens" started floating around in my brain.

It's a pretty good stove, don't get me wrong, but I'm not in love with it. The flat top gets dirty easily and takes forever to clean it, and even then with half a bottle of cleaner and a lot of elbow grease, there are still black spots all over it. And it takes forever to heat up. I could cook caramels on my old coil stove in half the time. But then there's the one burner that once it gets hot, it stays hot, and even on the lowest setting I'm still stressing about burning stuff, so you know, recipes that say "bring to boil and then reduce heat" aren't very compatible with that burner, but it's my biggest burner and some days it's the only one for the job.

And there is that gas line running right behind my stove. I still wonder why on Earth I didn't get the gas stove in the first place. I kick myself pretty regularly for that one.

So I had time to think about my options.

Like this-

Oh, yeah baby. Come to mama. Price tag- only about 8,000. (that's including the add-on of the back splash with shelf-not pictured) Before kitchen renovations to make it fit. And as long as I'm at it I might as well get those granite counter tops. And I'd need the other appliances to match. Oh, heck, I think a whole kitchen makeover is in order. Maybe knock out a wall or something. (only slightly out of our price range)

I'd settle for something like this, though. Price tag- 1,ooo to 1,500

It has to be white because that's what the other appliances are.

Unfortunately I just got the oven fixed. It's not as if we have a spare grand in change just sitting around either. And then there's Christmas around the corner, and this computer is going to die on us any day now, and I could give you a whole list of other things we could do with that money.

And then there's that little voice in the back of my head reminding me what I tell the kids when they are whining about why we can't buy this or that, or go out to eat as often as they'd like- "We have the money for what we need, and some of the things we'd like, but we don't have the money for everything we want."

And so I settled for this-

Price tag- $192.00

And so for the obligatory Mastercard commercial-

Service charge to diagnose problem- $75

Part to fix oven $72

Cost for 4 minutes of labor to install part $40

Being able to bake again- Priceless. (That's what I'm telling myself anyway)

overheard

Pot:

Kettle:

Madison- "You're such a drama queen, Nick!"

Evolution

Once upon a time there was a little girl.

She was not allowed to touch the radio in the car or in the house. The only music that was allowed was 50's and 60's music. And she was okay with that. She didn't know any better. She liked it that way. It was all she knew and there was no need for change. She enjoyed listening to the radio when her daddy turned it on when he came home from work. She learned to love groups like the Beach Boys, the Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and the Mamas and Papas. She loved to sing along with Neil Diamond, the Eagles, Creedence Clearwater Revival, and Peter, Paul, and Mary.

Then one day, she received a present. An alarm clock radio. And she discovered that if she were to move the little wheel on the side, she would hear new and strange music. Some she liked, some not so much. And so continued her life long love affair with music. And while the music of her childhood was practically engraved upon her DNA, she learned to expand her horizons and seek out new music to love. And with the guidance of her friends and peers, she found new music to love and sing along with.

Time went by, and the little girl turned 16 and got a job and a car. Suddenly she had money to purchase music and not be solely dependant upon the radio. She could choose the kind of music she wanted to. Since her car only had a cassette player in it, she used her hard earned money to buy a box to hold all her cassettes in. Some cassettes she purchased, some she "borrowed" from her dad, and some she copied from her friends. Now while all this was swell and dandy, the girl had to remember to put her tapes under her car seat whenever she parked the car for any length of time, or else she would come out to her car at the end of the day during her summer internship at the country club and find all her tapes a warped mess in the windshield of her car.

A few years later after the girl had amassed a ridiculous amount of CD's because she worked at a music store, and finally got a car with a CD player in it, she purchased one of those ginormous binders to hold an obscene amount of CD's. That way, wherever she went, she could listen to whatever music she felt like, whether it were Simon and Garfunkel, or Depeche Mode, or Phantom of the Opera. This quickly became an irritation however, because it was difficult to drive and look through the binder for a particular CD, and you had to worry about someone breaking into your car and stealing hundreds of dollars worth of CD's. The huge binder was replaced with a couple smaller ones, and then only used on longer car trips.

And so the CD's started to gather dust in the back of her closet, and the radio with it's commercials and lack of control, became the standard again.

Until now.

She didn't notice whether or not her previous car had this little hole in it, and wouldn't have know what it was for, but when she asked the car salesman whether her new car could play mp3's he pointed out that little hole.

And guess what? She can download all of those CD's gathering dust (okay not all of them, but a good amount) into her ipod, and she can listen to whatever she wants. Whenever she wants. And there are no tapes to melt and warp in the heat of the Arizona sun, and there are no CD's to lug around, and if anything gets stolen or ruined or lost, she has a back-up at home.

And although she sometimes misses the little upgrades her last car had, like the leather seats that cleaned off so much easier, or the heated seats, (oh yes, this may be Arizona, but those winter nights can get pretty chilly, and those seats are sure nice when the temperatures dip down into the 40's) she thinks this little hole will make up for it.

The End

Bent Fork

First, a brief history-

Shelly is one of John's oldest and bestest friends. She moved to Arizona and met Jayson. They got married and had a cute little baby, Carson. Together with her business sense, Jayson's genius in a kitchen, and their desire to live closer to family, they all picked up and moved to St. George to realize Jayson's dream of opening his own restaurant- Bent Fork. After only a few weeks, it seems to be going really well for them.

I'm very sorry they had to move so far away. We've totally been spoiled for the past several years. And now I have to drive 8 hours to see them and enjoy their company and partake of Jayson's culinary masterpieces. (I tried to convince him that Gilbert was a great place to open a restaurant, but obviously that plan fell through.)

I can still remember the first time I fell in love with one of Jayson's dishes like it was yesterday. I was several months pregnant with Zach. Past the sick stage, but not on bed rest yet, so feeling relatively good (and I mean relatively) and Jayson invited us to his apartment to watch a pay per view fight. I didn't go for the televised entertainment (and I use that term loosely) I went for the food and the company. I don't remember what else he cooked up, everything else was eclipsed by these ribs from heaven. Holey cow, I think I must have sucked down 20. Fall off the bone goodness. Oh, and the flavor. I had never tasted anything like them. I could have eaten them all day.

A few years later when I got to know Jayson better, I begged for the recipe. "There were these ribs you made at a party at your apartment awhile ago, and I was wondering if maybe you would be willing to share that recipe? Please? Pretty Please? I'll be your best friend?" (or something like that)

"You mean the green chili ribs?"

"Um, I don't think so, I don't like green chilies. And I ate ALOT of those ribs. There couldn't have been green chilies in them. You made them for that fight a few years ago."

"Those were the green chili ribs."

"Oh. Can I still get the recipe?"

( I got the recipe, but as Jayson can't do anything small, it starts off with "30 pounds of ribs" and me and my kitchen can't handle that. And we couldn't eat that much anyway. So when I try to do the math, it is totally frustrating, and I give up, and then I decide it's way too much effort anyway for one meal for one family, and so then I think I should just go back to the original recipe and share the wealth, but then I remember I don't have a professional sized kitchen to work in)

Fast forward a little bit-

A little over two years ago, John passed this huge exam- a big Cisco certification. CCIE. This thing was years in the making. So I threw a party for him. It had an 80's theme. People dressed up, it was awesome, we had a great time, and naturally I took too few pictures. ( I wasn't blogging back then) I baked for days. But it wasn't going to be enough, so I was going to order out for the rest. (Barbecue) I asked Shelly if she would mind picking it up, (cause they were coming from that part of town) and oh, and if Jayson wouldn't mind, could he make some of his awesome guacamole? Naturally I prefer his ribs to someone else's, but I don't want to impose. The story is that they had an insanely slow day at work, and Jayson was bored, so he cooked. And cooked. And borrowed chaffing dishes from work. (the fancy silver serving dishes that keep your food hot) Not only did I get guacamole and ribs, he brought a bunch of other stuff. I was so happy, I wasn't even upset no one was eating the food I made. I made the desserts, and everyone (including myself) stuffed themselves silly on the main course, and the guacamole, and the three different kinds of salsas, and the side dishes (I can't remember what the sides were, I was too intoxicated with the ribs).

And then they went and moved all the way to St. George. Woe is me. And they don't even have ribs on the menu. I complained. Jayson said he'd let us know when he offers them as a special. Maybe I can put in a request ahead of time the next time we're driving through town on the way to Salt Lake.

The restaurant doors officially opened last month, and we'd meant to make it up there to see it and support them before now, but life gets in the way. So, when we got an invite to Carson's second birthday, held at the restaurant, (so that Jayson could be there), we went. Even though they just sent us the invite cause they thought it was cute, not that they were actually asking us to come. We had a free hotel stay, and the time was right, so we went.

It was fun. Carson was cute and thoroughly enjoyed the attention and the cake and the toys. It was good to see Shelly and Jayson again.

That night we met up with a couple of my cousins who happened to serendipitously be in town. It was so good to see them, even if for just a little bit. Jill and her three kids and Peter and Brittney and their two and Britt's parents all agreed to meet us for dinner at the Bent Fork. I think I scared Shelly when I asked for a table for 16, I'm fairly certain that's the largest party they'd seen at that point, but it worked out great. Britt's parents live in St. George and seemed to know half the people there that night. Apparently the Bent Fork is the talk of the town. And well deserved. We all went away very full and happy. I couldn't tell you the last time I heard so many exclamations of "Oh my gosh, you have to try this!" in one sitting.

John ordered their signature green chili lasagna, of which he gave me a taste, and despite the fact that I dislike green chilies it was AMAZING. I would totally order that. And love every bite. I don't know how he takes yucky green chilies and transforms them into something I can't get enough of (ribs) but he does. I did mention he was a genius, didn't I? I ordered the tenderloin, but I was still full from lunch, so I took most of it back to the hotel and happily ate that instead of the free continental breakfast the next morning.

The next day I dropped John off in Vegas at the airport and drove the rest of the way home myself. The kids were pretty good, and traveling is becoming easier. Which is really nice. John was worried about me driving alone, ( I reminded him he leaves me for days at a time, and I'm practically a single mom, so I don't know why he was freaking about a few hours) but he left me with tools, jumper cables, AAA, a GPS, and Onstar. We made it home without incident.

So, in conclusion, if you happen to be in or around St. George, I know this great little restaurant you should totally check out.

slacker

fighting the blogging blahs. still.

so what's new? nothin' much.

weather is cooling off, so i've tried to take christopher for little walks this week. his stroller recently broke, so i'm thinking longer walks might be out of the question. i'll have to ponder on this. i enjoyed my walks last year.

nick has a big "concert in the park" tonight for school. orchestra, band, and choir. you take a blanket and they have a bunch of junk to eat, and you listen to the kids perform under the stars. i'm going to miss it. john is out of town and christopher is naughty. i'm thinking if i took him he'd either scream half the time because i won't let him run around, or he'll escape and find a lake to drown in or something. plus i hear it's a zoo. hundreds of people.

nick understands of course, which almost makes it worse. he has to be understanding alot of the time. he feels bad, and is disappointed, but he understands and doesn't complain. it's a recurring theme for him.

i'll probably buy him a book or something to make it up to him and ease my conscience. i feel like i'm buying him off or something. "here kid, sorry i couldn't be there in person to support you, have this material item so that i don't have to feel like a lousy parent."

my stupid oven is still broken. i put my meat thermometer on top of it, and covered it with a dish towel to keep in the heat, and after 15 minutes it registered 127 degrees. inbetween the turned off burners, in the front part of the stove top where a kid could easily reach. technically speaking it works, i'm just afraid it will work too well and burn down my house or something. after burning my cookies.

went to st. george this last weekend. i'll probably devote a whole post to that. it was a fun little whirlwind trip. john had a free hotel stay he needed to use up, we saw some dear friends, ate at their brand new restaurant, which seems to be doing really well, and even met up with some of my cousins while they happened to be in town as well. that was an unexpected and delightful bonus.

at this very moment i am totally procrastinating going to the gym. i think i have arthritis or something in my feet. they hurt all the time. and shoes are particularly painful. i'd go to the doctor, but i'm afraid it will go something like the time i went to the doctor about my knees- "you're just fat. lose weight and your joints will feel better".

wah. wah. i just noticed that 75% of this post is me whining about something. sorry. i'll shut up now, but feel free to leave a comment and tell me what a whiner i am.

feeling blue

This last weekend Nick got to go on a boating trip with the boy scouts. He said he had a lot of fun. They did all the usual activities like water skiing and knee boarding. Nick said he was really careful about keeping his glasses safe and tucked away when there was danger of losing them in the lake. (However I have it on good authority that on at least one occasion he forgot and tried to jump in with them on, but luckily he has some very observant leaders who were kind enough to remind him in time.)

So the trip is over, the glasses are still safe, the kids are cleaning off the boat, and somehow during all this, Nick gets hit in the face with a wet towel (it was an accident- according to Nick they had formed a human chain and were cleaning their stuff off the boat by tossing it to the next kid in line) and the glasses end up at the bottom of the lake.

So later that night we ended up at Sears ordering him some new glasses. I was prepared to buy him some cheaper ones, but he is willing to work off the difference and he wanted to get the same blue ones again. And to be honest I loved the blue ones. They were pretty awesome.

The only problem was they didn't have the blue ones in stock, and apparently the staff is incompetent. It took two people to look up his order on the computer, and they were trying to tell us his glasses were brown.

"No, they were definitely blue."

"Could they have been gray? These glasses only come in brown, black, and gray, and it says you ordered the brown ones."

"No. Blue. Really blue. Bright blue, definitely, unmistakably blue."

"Are you sure? The computer says they were brown."

"Can you check again? Maybe you have the wrong account."

After checking again, with me watching over their shoulder, and making sure they click on the 12 year old Nicholas Berrett instead of the 35 year old one in a totally different city, they finally found his order.

"You're right. Those are blue."