pop quiz

Time to test your math skills.

What is .2 + .6 + .4 + .8 ?

The answer, of course would be 2.  TWO.  Or more accurately, two teeny tiny pounds lost in the last 4 weeks.

kill me now.

Yes. that does make for a grand total of about 14 pounds since I started, and I have lost each and every week, (even if it is only .2 pounds). And yes, I know, slow and steady wins the race, blah, blah, blah.

But I feel like I've hit a wall and I am a bit cranky about it, so I am going to rant.  Sorry.

I realize that if taking off weight were as easy and as fun as putting it on, I'd look like Kate Moss or Twiggy or whatever famous person these days looks so skinny even the tabloids comment on it.

Yes, I'm following the program.  No, my days don't consist of celery sticks and egg white omelets (although I did have egg whites for breakfast today).  And yes, if I choose to get a 4 point ice-cream cone from McDonalds, (I did the research, McDonald's has the best diet friendly ice-cream out there) then I will count it (or track it as those of program followers call it).  I always hit my daily points allowance.  (you are supposed to, eating too little is bad too)  and I've NEVER used up all of my extra weekly allowance.  (I get an extra 49 points to use or not use during the week as I see fit.  I can use them all in one sitting if I feel like it.)  And I even earn extra points by exercising (going for walks, going to the gym, riding bikes with Christopher) which I never touch as well.

I just to be clear, I'm not looking for any advice, any "Maybe you should..."'s   will most likely be answered with "Maybe you should bite me."

And in the mood I am in, words of encouragement sound fake and patronizing.  (so please don't.  At best I might make a face and stick my tongue out at you.)  Yesterday I had to listen to "point 8!  that's great!" (at which point I made a face) "That's twice as much as last week!"  (Except for .4 sucks, so that's really not that great.) I'd be happy with .8 if the week before were 1.4 or even 2.4,  but when my average is half a pound a week, .8 sucks.

And while we are on the subject, I am coming to the conclusion, that when I gain weight it starts in the middle (butt, stomach) then goes out from there.  Finally ending up in my hands and feet.  In other words, my pants will get tighter long before my wedding ring will.  But when I lose weight, it's the opposite.  Within a month my ring fits perfectly again, but it will be months before my pants feel comfortable when they are clean.  (Isn't that awful? making the decision when I get dressed every day.  Clean? Or comfortable? )

And finally, on a side note, they pass out these little pamphlets at each meeting.  Tips, success stories, etc.  On the back of the one I got last week, there was a story about a lady who decided she needed a little visual reminder always of what she was working for.  She told her group about it, and they gave her a "Bravo Star" (a gold star shaped sticker) and clapped for her, and then she wrote to the company and had her story printed in the little handout. Anyways, she got the company logo tattooed on her wrist as a little motivational reminder.  At first I was a little surprised they printed that story, with a big "Bravo!" star next to her picture, but then it occurred to me that they should be paying her because now she's a walking advertisement. 

Having no tattoos myself, I'm obviously not very big on them.  Mostly because of the permanence of it. (I have seen some pretty cool ones that made me stop and say "now if I were a tattoo kind of person...")  Tramp stamps on 20 year olds with perfect bodies might be all the rage now, but in 40, 50, or even 60 years from now?  Who wants a grandma with a tramp stamp?  But I think the worst has to be a company logo.  When I was going to Catz, there was this guy who got a big Catz logo on his calf.  Couldn't miss it.  Then I'd say less than a year later, there was some big scandal that I never got the whole story, and suddenly it wasn't Catz any more, it was The Pitt.  (Personalized Intensive Training Team or something like that) So, my point is I just want to yell at this lady- "A logo?!?! Really?!?! don't you know it will be outdated in 5 years or less?" 

Or it could be those 2 pounds speaking.

can't sleep

It's almost two in the morning, but I still can't sleep.

A couple Tylenol pm's and a Benadryl and I still can't sleep.

Thank goodness for Netflix.

I'd work on an Italy blog post, but my brain isn't working too well.  It went to bed hours ago.

It's this stupid cough.  At first it was allergies. 

Once upon a time I would insist that we plant winter grass.  What's the point of having gorgeous Arizona winters if your grass is all brown and dead and icky? 

Then a couple years ago I began to "react badly" to this time of year.  Namely the thought of thatching (cutting our lawn down to nothing to plant winter grass) made me want to claw my own eyes out.  I consider my eyes my best feature, and I like to see, so I don't think that would be such a good idea.  I also don't ask John to plant winter grass anymore. 

Anyway with the itchy eyes, there is also the sneezing, and the general miserable-ness, and this year I got a cough.    The desire to gouge out my eyes has mostly gone, but the cough is still here.

Last week John and his dad (who spent the week with us) were telling me to go to the doctor.

"I'm not spending $15 on a co-pay so a doctor can tell me what I already know.  You have a cough, take some medicine, drink plenty of fluids, get some rest."

I started to get bored repeating myself.  "I'm fine... it's just allergies....I'm fine...it's just a cough..."  (apparently the sight of me hacking out a lung has a few people worried)

So, just to amuse myself, I 've started to change my tune.  Ask me if I'm "okay" after a particularly nasty coughing spell and depending on my mood I might tell you I'm dying. 

I told Maddie she could have all my jewelry.  Even my wedding ring.  Burying people with jewelry is just a waste.

I told Nick to say nice things at my funeral.  I told him to tell everybody how pretty I was.

John doesn't think I'm that funny.  He's been having to field questions from the kids. "Is mom really gonna die?"

No, it's just a cough.  A really obnoxious cough that won't let me sleep at 2 in the morning and leaves me dragging but and lazy and devoid of energy during the day, but still-  JUST.  A.  COUGH. 

The end.

But when I do eventually die (in  40 or 50 years or so), I'd like it stated for the record that I would rather not be buried with my jewelry.  Even my wedding ring.  What a waste, sitting there, in a box, six feet underground, while my corpse rots around it.  And also hopefully my kids will say something nice at my funeral.

(But while we're on the subject, I also think viewings are stupid, I don't need anybody staring at my dead corpse saying stupid things like "how life-like" I look, and it's a good bet to look for the "in lieu of flowers..." announcement asking people to donate instead to their favorite charity, or my favorite charity, or whatever.  Just sayin'.)