Halloween rants

I have a love/hate relationship with Halloween. I love the parties, the atmosphere, the cooler weather, trick or treating with my kids, making treats to give to neighbors, serving homemade root beer to the kids whose parents let them take a home made treat from a stranger (we also have store bought candy), stealing my kid's candy while they are at school, other people's costumes...

That's right, other people's costumes. I love seeing what people come up with. I'm always impressed. But I hate, hate, hate, coming up with costumes for my family. Basically for costumes there are several categories- the over priced store bought things that make you question weather or not it will survive one evening of running around the neighborhood. The REALLY overpriced ones that are GORGEOUS, which might be okay if you only had one kid, but when you are trying to outfit 4, you'd have to take out a home equity loan to afford. There's the homemade ones, which take both skill, patience, and creativity, none of which I have. Then there's the costume that can be done running around to thrift stores and/or craft stores, but takes up an inordinate amount of time, and a whole lot of skill and/or creativity is involved.

I went to a Halloween party a week or so ago. It was fun. Dressing up was optional, so I did what I have done for the past three years, I threw on my awesome greenish black witch hat purchased for $10 at Wal-Mart on a whim three years ago. I also added my "Of course I'm in a bad mood, someone dropped a house on my sister" t-shirt. You know, the one I wear every single week, the day after laundry day. And the witch hat necklace John bought me the first time I saw Wicked. Anyways, people commented on the mileage that hat was getting. This year Madison is taking my costume into her own hands. She has made me devil horns, tail and pitch fork out of red construction paper, paper towel tubes, and lots of tape.

I've always agonized over the costume thing. Once my mom made me a cute bunny costume. That was a favorite. And who can forget The Virus costume?

But then I got a little older and the responsibility to come up with a costume fell on my shoulders, and let's just say that it went downhill from there.

In the 5th grade I just raided my grandma's closet. I think I was going for "Rock Star" but I told people I was a gypsy.

6th grade wasn't much better. I found a multi-colored metallic wig and went as a punk rocker. Or something to that effect.

Do you ever look at a picture of yourself and get a little sick feeling in your gut? Like you remember thinking you were hot stuff at the time, (hence the fish nets) but now, not so much. I broke down and purchased three costumes for my three youngest. I procrastinated and this one website was having a sale, so they had to pick from what was available, and only Christopher got his first choice, but I still got them taken care of for less than $75. Which still feels ridiculous to me.

For Nick I ended up taking the Thrift store route. I had one of those rare moments of genius, the problem is just making it work. I picked up an outfit for him, but at Saver's it's not like beggars can be choosers, so I am hoping the Men's medium shirt I bought won't look ridiculous on him. Including gas, I still think I ended up paying as much as I did on each of the other kids.

Long story short, $100 dollars later, my kids are ready for Halloween. And apparently, thanks to Madison, I am too. And it only cost the price of a whole roll of tape. (You'll have to tune in later for the big reveal. Knowing me, I'll get around to it mid-January)

*My other big gripe about this time of year is the uncharacteristically bad allergies. Ugh. I spend most of my day wishing I could claw my eyes out. The weather is (Finally!!) gorgeous, and I can't enjoy it. It was in the 60's today. The 60's!!! That's practically jacket weather. It's definitely a take-Christopher-to-the-park day and hope some other mothers are doing the same. Instead I am hiding out in my house. Because my only alternative is Benadryl and that stuff kicks my tail like nothing else. If I pop one of those little pink pills I should just plan on nixing any plans for the rest of the day and hope Christopher stays safe while I am unconscious.

Be careful what you wish for

Zach got In Trouble at school Again today.

For Talking.

For Talking! Admittedly though I'm fairly okay with it. Don't get me wrong, he should be following the rules, and I am sorry for his teacher who has to continually ask him to please turn around, and not talk to his neighbors as they walk down the halls, and I will sternly talk to him about it, but inside I'm Laughing.

Once upon a time I had a little blue eyed boy who never said a word. Didn't say "mama" or "da-da" or anything. We taught him sign language to help him communicate. Other parents would try and comfort me with their own success stories, "my kid didn't talk, and now we can't get him to stop!"

Oh, how I wished!

My wish came true. I admit there are days when I think he's going to actually talk my ear off, and I truly think he must be making up for lost time, but I think we'll be okay if he can just figure out appropriate vs. inappropriate times for talking to our friends.

My apologies

First and foremost, I'd like to apologize to my kids. I'm sorry you had to see me lose my temper like that the other day. I'm sorry for all the bad words I said. I'm sorry for the yelling and the screaming and the crying. But especially the swearing. That's just not called for.

I'm sorry to worry you John, when you called home from several states away and talked to Madison and you had to hear her sweet little voice say "Well, I had a really good morning, but it was really hard to watch mommy cry." I know it's hard for you to be away and I try to keep it together so you don't have one more thing to worry about.

I'm sorry to the Relief Society in my ward. I know I signed up to bring an appetizer, and I truly did my best. Three separate trips to the grocery store, one in sunglasses to hide my puffy eyes, should be proof that I tried. But when it comes down to it, it's really difficult to cook when you can't see anything with all the moisture leaking out, and I was a little afraid of chopping off my fingers because the herbs were such a big green blur. Also it was very time consuming to stop and wipe my face and blow my nose then wash my hands every 3 minutes. I really regret not making it to the meeting, with or without the appetizers I promised, if I had known that would be one of my last opportunities to spend time with some dear friends before they caught every one of us off guard and split our ward, I would have been there, but I probably would be wearing those sunglasses. I know they say when you're feeling down and worthless like that, the best place to be is around people who can lift you up, but some days that's the hardest place to go. I hope you all got enough to eat.

I'm sorry I didn't make it to your baby shower, Jenn. I was gonna duck out of the Relief Society meeting early (it was at the exact same time) to come. But well you know, splotchy face, on the verge of tears all night, didn't want to make a spectacle of myself in a room full of strangers. That and I don't think I could have put on a happy face and be happy for another new mother when I was feeling like a total failure as a mother myself. I hope you had a lovely evening. I really was looking forward to it and seeing you again.

I'd like to apologize to the 6 teachers, the school counselor, and the vice-principal who had to take time out of their busy day to discuss my son and his grades. On a bright note, he's doing well in PE, but the rest of his classes are suffering considerably. I'm sorry if my defenses went up a little bit, but I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and even felt like my own parenting skills were being attacked. I KNOW I'm not the best mom, or even a really great mom, but I try, and I try, and when that doesn't work I try something new, and I re-group, and re-evaluate and problem solve, and when people who don't really know the home situation are suggesting things like that my son should try doing his homework "in a central location", (because what kid with ADD won't do better with 14,000 things going on around him all at once?), and when I have to listen to the counselor's psycho-babble, "What I am hearing from you is that you are feeling frustrated, and are choosing to allow your child to experience the natural consequences of his choices instead of coming to my office to discuss another plan that might help him be successful?" well that sounds a little like she is accusing me of choosing failure for my son instead of success. The irony here is every time I step in and try to help, someone else tells me I should back off, because how is he ever going to learn to be responsible with mommy waiting there with a safety net?

So yeah, my parenting-homework style right now is to simply Ask and Remind. "Do you have any homework? Are you sure you did it all? Did you check your pride book? Did you put it safely away? Are you sure? Why don't you go double check? Don't forget your viola! Don't forget your medicine!" And so, I'd like to apologize to my son if this is the wrong approach. I'm sorry that most days I don't know what I'm doing. Because I don't. It's all guesswork, but apparently you are stuck with me, and I'm sorry for that too.

I'm also sorry to my older kids if I put too much responsibility on your shoulders to help out with the little ones. Some days can be difficult as a nearly single parent, and I know I rely on you alot. I realize your job first and foremost is to be a student, and if babysitting the little kids hinders your ability to do well in school (like homework) I will give up the more frivolous things like book club, but I might still need to ask for your help for nights when I have scouts and stuff. (Sorry)

Oh, and lastly, I'd like to apologize to my faithful readers (all half-dozen of you) I know my posts are few and far between, and then I go and write about something awkward like my emotional breakdown last week. Sorry about that. I'll try to do better.

my little autophile

First there was his obsession with Disney's Cars.

Next came Nascar.

Now posters of cars have appeared in his room, his talking about moving to Germany so he can drive fast cars, and the only books he checks out at the library involve cars. Mostly, anyway. There is the random book about jets. Or helicopters.

But when I realized his obsession with cars wasn't just a passing phase was when he was stopped in his tracks by a Porsche. It was just one of those SUV Porsches, but he saw the little design on the hood, stopped to stare, and I heard the barely audible whisper of "Porsche" escape is lips. He was awestruck.

The fact that he noticed and recognized the symbol on the front of the car is what tipped me off that this isn't "just a phase". My other kids wouldn't notice a Porsche if it ran them over.

So today when a yellow Mustang GT was spotted parked in front of our house, (our street becomes the overflow when the elementary's parking lot is full) Zach had me take a picture of him next to it.

His grandpa and uncles (my brothers) would be proud. My dad spent close to two decades restoring a 1969 Camaro. My mom dubbed it "Christine" after the Stephen King book/movie. She meant it as an insult. The name stuck because my dad thought it was funny and he hoped to irritate my mom.

Peace

Apparently my kids were playing with my camera.

That's okay though, it could be worse.

Back in the days before digital when you had to use film and actually get it developed to see how the pictures "turned out" or if there were any "good ones", you had no idea if your little brother had been messing with your camera and using your own kid as a co-conspirator.

When I dream, I dream in stainless

My oven has been broken for about 3 weeks now. (maybe only two, but it feels like three, so that's what I'm going with.)

That gave me time to think about what I really wanted. Did I want to fix an oven I'm not in love with? Words like "gas stove" and "convection" and "double ovens" started floating around in my brain.

It's a pretty good stove, don't get me wrong, but I'm not in love with it. The flat top gets dirty easily and takes forever to clean it, and even then with half a bottle of cleaner and a lot of elbow grease, there are still black spots all over it. And it takes forever to heat up. I could cook caramels on my old coil stove in half the time. But then there's the one burner that once it gets hot, it stays hot, and even on the lowest setting I'm still stressing about burning stuff, so you know, recipes that say "bring to boil and then reduce heat" aren't very compatible with that burner, but it's my biggest burner and some days it's the only one for the job.

And there is that gas line running right behind my stove. I still wonder why on Earth I didn't get the gas stove in the first place. I kick myself pretty regularly for that one.

So I had time to think about my options.

Like this-

Oh, yeah baby. Come to mama. Price tag- only about 8,000. (that's including the add-on of the back splash with shelf-not pictured) Before kitchen renovations to make it fit. And as long as I'm at it I might as well get those granite counter tops. And I'd need the other appliances to match. Oh, heck, I think a whole kitchen makeover is in order. Maybe knock out a wall or something. (only slightly out of our price range)

I'd settle for something like this, though. Price tag- 1,ooo to 1,500

It has to be white because that's what the other appliances are.

Unfortunately I just got the oven fixed. It's not as if we have a spare grand in change just sitting around either. And then there's Christmas around the corner, and this computer is going to die on us any day now, and I could give you a whole list of other things we could do with that money.

And then there's that little voice in the back of my head reminding me what I tell the kids when they are whining about why we can't buy this or that, or go out to eat as often as they'd like- "We have the money for what we need, and some of the things we'd like, but we don't have the money for everything we want."

And so I settled for this-

Price tag- $192.00

And so for the obligatory Mastercard commercial-

Service charge to diagnose problem- $75

Part to fix oven $72

Cost for 4 minutes of labor to install part $40

Being able to bake again- Priceless. (That's what I'm telling myself anyway)

overheard

Pot:

Kettle:

Madison- "You're such a drama queen, Nick!"