In which I ramble on and on...

So I've been thinking about stuff.

Not life changing stuff, but things have been rattling around in my brain, and I thought that if I just wrote them down, whether anyone is interested in reading it or not, maybe it will stop rattling around in there.

It's worth a shot.

I think we are where we are for a reason. Or Reasons. I'm not sure of all them, but whenever we even think about moving (or try really really hard to move to Europe- even for a year or two) it just never feels right. This is where we belong. For right now anyway. (maybe forever)

Since we've been married we've lived in three different houses, and each time I think that is where we were meant to be for different reasons.

We lived in our first house for four years. It never was home to us. We made no friends, and have not kept in touch even through Christmas cards or facebook or anything. And we're okay with that. -But- that house served it's purpose. It was cheap housing so John and I could get through school. It was close to family so I could have support when I was a brand new mommy. And then it was time to move on. I cried to leave my family and everything I had ever known, but as for our ward/neighborhood, I was all "see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!" and they were all "don't let the door hit you on the way out!"

It was time to move away and stand on our own. Buy our own house. Learn how to cook. Learn to do things for ourselves, or rely on friends and church members for support and help- like when I was pregnant and on bed rest and the doctors were telling me I should just end that whole pregnancy and start over. So many people were so supportive. Watching my kids so I could go to the 14 billion ultra sound appointments, introducing me to Pride and Prejudice so I could pass the time in bed - back then I watched it on VHS. I mastered the art of caramel making. I learned that painting walls is not scary.

When we were house hunting I saw a bunch of houses and none of them felt right. Then the last morning, our agent said, "I think this one house just went back on the market today, wanna knock on their door and see if they will let us in? (we didn't have an appointment)" The family was home and said yes, and they sat in their living room while we wandered through their home. A little awkward, but I knew instantly it was "THE ONE". I remember feeling I was at home the moment I walked in the door and saw their Proclamation to the World hanging on the wall. I hung mine in the same spot.

The house was small, but that's were I formed some (hopefully) life long friendships- Mindy, Jenn, Gayla, Kawehi. And we grew so much there. Both individually and as a family.

We were really happy there. But, once again, it was time to move on.

So here we are. We looked at lots of homes, one even had a laundry room upstairs, but this is the house that "just felt right". And it still is. John gets job offers to move all over the country and we just laugh. THIS is home.

Anyway. Our friends just left back to the cold, cold North. We're always sad to see them go, and I am sure other people are too, because each and every time they come down here, they always seem to be pulled in so many directions. Fortunately we have a guest room and a kid friendly house so they stay with us.

But then I got to thinking about the "why's" of it all. Why is it that we don't see our other friends, our friends who live in the same little town, unless the Brooksby's come to visit? I KNOW every one has good intentions (at least I choose to believe that when they say "we should get together more often" they actually mean it, and aren't just being polite) because I have good intentions. There's just that whole Life factor, and that Out of Sight, Out of Mind thing. But since we only have the opportunity to see Mindy once a year or so, (unless we go up there) everyone clears their schedules because who knows when the opportunity will come again?

Anyway, I spend a good deal of energy trying to get them to move back down here. Only the thought occurred to me that they would have to move into my neighborhood. (that would be the ideal in any case) but if they didn't, what are the odds that we wouldn't be as good of friends if they only lived a mile or two away? When LIFE and Out of Sight gets in the way? The one thing in my favor is that she is an organizer- and not just in every day matters, but that she likes to get people together- play games, go to the park, go out to eat... and Nolan and John love to golf with each other, so they'd at least see each other, well, when John is in town, and Nolan's crazy schedule allows.

Also, I have a lot of amazing friends now in this ward and neighborhood, and while we don't plan on moving any time soon, but I kinda have to stop and wonder, if I moved even two miles away, would they still be my friends? And not in a "Hey! imagine bumping into you here! So, how's it been? The kids all healthy?" kind of way. But in a regular Girl's Night Out/let's meet for lunch or see a movie kind of way. I mean, there are women I love spending time with, and for whatever reason friendships seem to be put on the back burner the moment we don't attend the same church meetings at the same time.

After all this- I've come to a conclusion- (there's probably more I could learn from this, but I'm taking baby steps here)

I need to work on cultivating relationships now. I have no one to blame but myself if Life and/or Out of Sight get in the way.

Maybe that will be my New Years resolution for the year. I've avoided it until now, because I generally fall flat on my face (Lose 60 pounds! Get organized! Potty train Christopher!) but I think that is one I can do.

And not just my relationships with my friends- but others as well- John, my kids, My Savior, my Father in Heaven.

I'd worry about the accountability factor of writing something down and publishing it to the internet, but as this was a rather long and wordy and pictureless post, I'm not too worried anybody really read the whole thing.

But- hey if you did, and you want to help a girl out, call me up! invite me to lunch! Or a movie, or a game night or just go for a walk. Or if you are my husband- take me on trips with you to exciting places!