Maybe I should use the money for therapy.

I passed up an opportunity to go to Hawaii.

John is going next week, and he invited me to come along, and I declined. I even had a babysitter lined up.

Don't get me wrong, I love Hawaii, I'd been there before, once, about 4 1/2 years ago, but I chose to spend another week, here, being the single mom, dealing with the messes, and the schedules, and the kids, and the stresses that come with it all.

(I'm sounding crazier by the second, aren't I?)

Here's my defense- and if you still think I need to be put in a padded cell, then call my dad. He's available to babysit.

It won't be free. Most of it will, but John's not flying Southwest, and even though he can get an incredible deal on a round trip plane ticket, there's so many other things we can use that money for. Like a defensive driving class. Another session of CATZ. Summer school for Nick.

There's so much going on that week, and I would feel terrible about leaving it all on my dad- tutoring, music lessons, carpools, scouts, little league practice and games, 9th hours, gymnastics, etc., etc. Nick even has a big project for social studies due that Friday. It's worth 10% of his grade.

I only have two weeks off between sessions of CATZ - (anyone else want to join with me?) I was going to try and potty train Christopher in those two weeks. (wish me luck, it will be nothing short of a miracle if I have any success) Otherwise, I won't be able to attempt to until summer.

Then there's the trip itself. Yes, it's Hawaii. Yes, it's with my husband whom I've only seen a grand total of 6 days in the last 6 weeks. But it's my least favorite island. Wah, wah. I sound like a big whiner. But I really wasn't impressed with Honolulu or Waikiki beach. It was just a big, crowded, noisy city. With panhandlers, and street performers, and expensive shops where I can't afford anything. Everything is expensive there.

And I would be spending most of the day by myself, or with some one's wife who came with their husband. John will be working most of the time.

Pearl Harbor? been there.

Polynesian cultural center? done that.

The last time we were there we were with friends, and it was fun. And most of that stuff is better with people you know. (or at the very least a special someone)
And then there's the weather. It's not like it's all that much better there than here. Next week they will see a high of 82, we'll see a high of 78. It's not like I am escaping a week of snow and bitter cold for a week in paradise. Besides, even if I owned a decent swimsuit, as opposed to the maternity one I've been wearing for 4 years, it's not even swimsuit whether there.

I figure at best I will find enough to do to fill up a couple of afternoons- a couple craft fairs, I think there's a couple little museums with local artists, and then what? Read? while I wait for John to finish up so we can spend some time together? While my dad changes poopy diapers and chauffeurs my kids all over the valley?

Don't get me wrong, I've left my kids in the care of their grandparents before, and I have no problem spending the day alone, it's just that this time the payoff doesn't seem worth the money or the guilt.

It would be nice, but I'm thinking "not this time". John doesn't think this will be my last chance to go either. A lot of doors opened up to him in Japan. That's why he's going to Hawaii. He met someone (within the company) who was impressed, and so he lined up a bunch of clients for John to talk to.

Give me Maui or Kauai, in the summer, 20-40 more pounds lost, and you wouldn't be able to keep me away.