Steppng Stones

I was told today that I don't post enough pictures of my kiddos. Which I decided is most likely true. Lots of picture-less blogs, a bunch of pictures in NY, and other than that Zach has been hogging the limelight lately, but I've just been blogging what's been going on. Well the more interesting things anyway. However, I should probably try to do better and share the attention equally.

Yesterday I had to dump sand out of Christopher's little shoes. We've been dealing with the sand issue for years, sand in the back yard, at the playground at school, sand at the park. It finds its way in my kid's hair, pockets, underwear, and mostly their shoes. Then it makes it's way to my house and into my carpet, or all over the tile, or left over in the tub after the water gets drained. I was feeling a little nostalgic about it because Christopher is my baby, and this was the first time I found sand in his shoes and I was thinking that this is the beginning of the end, or probably more like just another stepping stone on the way from baby-hood, to being a real live little boy. On the one hand I am done, done, done! Anatomy has been altered. No regrets. None. I'm appreciating other people's babies more than ever, hugging, and cuddling, and loving, and kissing, and breathing in their baby-ness, and all the while being so grateful they are not mine, no matter how cute and sweet and perfect they are. And I have been changing diapers for more than 11 years straight! no kidding! no breaks! unless I run away for the day or weekend, but there are diapers waiting for me when I get home to change, I can't even begin to imagine life without diapers. I really really want to though. But admittedly part of me is a little sad. I watch him grow with a bit of sadness. I cried when I packed up the teeny baby clothes. I was devastated when Madison was not my little "beanerina" and became a ballerina. I totally was shocked to find myself bawling in my car the first time I dropped Nick off for pre-school. - the list goes on. Logically the sadness makes no sense to me, because I look forward to the day of not being saddled with a diaper bag, among many of the other little perks that come with age, but who said motherhood is always logical? - I said "always", meaning mostly we moms have our heads on pretty straight, but we (maybe it's just me and I'm just projecting so I can feel normal) but we (I) reserve the right for momentary lapses of sentimental irrationality.